I've been on a downward spiral lately, for what reason, i do not know.
Actually i do. I want something that i can't have. I want the familiar. I want comfort.
but as i said, I CAN'T HAVE IT.
IT is a liar and a cheat. and i can't stand it anymore. i cant stand everyone sitting and watching me put myself into situations where i become a lesser version of myself, because I won't be appreciated and adored.
I'm tired. I'm tired not in the sense that i should rather sleep than sit and think about life, but rather tired of trying. I'm tired of giving of all my effort and energy, and not getting any in return. I'm in a place where I have never been surrounded by so many people and felt so alone at the same time.
I know i deserve more. I don't say this cause i'm arrogant, obnoxious nor do i feel that i am superior. I say this because i know the thoughts and feelings i feel now, are not right, and that i shouldn't feel this way, and it sure as hell shouldn't be the result (whether direct or indirect)of what a person i love and who loves me does that makes me feel this way.
i have a theory that when life gets tired and bored it decides to shake things up a bit, turn our lives upside down for a while, so we can find another path to travel or experience things we were meant to but never would have if life had stayed the same. This is an opportunity to find what life has in store for me. I need to thinK of it as life putting me back on the right track to where I were ment to be.
...If only i could give myself advice during these times, and actually listen to it!!
but at the end of it all, it falls back to the saying that once a cheater, always a cheater. and once a liar always a liar.
it doesn't matter if you are one, both or none of those things, just be careful- for the sake of your own heart as well as those around you.
